Day 22 — if you know your classics, the title gives it away a bit

Sparta’s one word reply

If you loved me

Would drive 1250 miles just to fall down *
Would cut my hair boring businessman short
Would keep losing weight till I was wafer thin
Would work whatever godawful job necessary
Would bid farewell to family & friends
Would sell all my books (well most)
Would even give away the dog

If you loved me 
I would move here 
   between the mountains & the rain 
Would swap my edge of desert 
   bleak heat dry grass existence
For your tropical paradise rednecked 
   cultural desert & assault of green
Would learn to be happy here
Would start again

If you loved me 
I would do these things
For you

If … 


* admittedly I’m not walking as far as The Proclaimer’s boasted they would,
but the climactic conditions of Scotland & Australia are very different
— though I would be going 250 miles further than they promised
if that’s any consolation


The Spartan connection

Philip II of Macedon had conquered almost every Greek city-state barring Sparta. He sent a message: “If I invade Lakonia you will be destroyed, never to rise again.” 

The Spartans reply? “If.”

Day 21 – a list poem that is not in any way reflective of my real life

Slight change of pace today. Not a big List Poem writer. But wanted to try a TO DO LIST list poem. The rest is both sad & self -explanatory.


the TO DO LIST poem

  • find the to do list you made yesterday
  • prioritise the tasks on that list
  • then do the things on that list
  • actually do the next thing first
  • add the things you forgot to put on yesterday’s list, including:
    • pay bills (it doesn’t matter which ones, they’re all due)
    • submit the article that was due last week
    • read the book you need to review
    • wash the dishes (no seriously, you’re out of cutlery)
    • buy fresh milk
    • stop making cups of tea then absentmindedly adding off-milk
    • throw out off-milk
    • clean out whole fridge while you’re at it
    • take cans to recycling
    • register the dog
      • buy the dog a collar
      • register the dog, put the rego disc on the dog’s collar, put the collar on the dog
  • then prioritise the NEW list
  • work out how much time is left in the day
  • allocate a specific time to get each task done
  • make sure you stick to the schedule
  • get first two things done which takes 3 times as long as you thought
  • make coffee so you can stay up late tonight getting things crossed off the NEW list
  • absentmindedly add off-milk
  • don’t just put the off-milk back in the fridge, throw it out
  • treat yourself to a short stretch on top of the bed
    ——(ostensibly to read some of that book you need to review)
  • fall asleep after three pages
  • wake up, groggy, too late to make proper meal
  • eat half a can of baked beans cold from the tin
  • make a cup of tea
  • absentmindedly add off-milk
  • seriously why didn’t you throw that milk out, it’s not hard
  • climb in to bed proper
  • think of all the things you need to add to tomorrow’s to do list
  • promptly fall asleep & forget everything you need to add