Today really is symbolic of more than just one loss: it’s a conglomeration of three anniversaries in one. The other two (one in June, one in July) grieve me too — but as they do not fall within Glo/NaPoWriMo they don’t usually get poems written about them. (Though the days of the FoG aren’t the only times poems get written or thoughts get thought about this topic).
Given this month’s theme is love I’ve decided to deliberately include all three griefs in one poem. On the plus side, there are a multiplicity of loves on display within the poem, so it works on many levels.
Today’s poem is paired with one I wrote 28 years ago. It is included as bonus: an Easter egg if you like, not that you have to look too hard to find it.
advice from a fish
although today commemorates the first loss
you’re in countless poems, plays, story ideas all three of you
for endless sorrowfilled years i wore your rings round my neck
till they got too heavy to endure & i was told
by the fish for my own sanity take them off
you knew too well without the self-flagellation of my despair
3 silver rings
around her neck she wears three silver rings on a gold chain & crucifix one, a rose one, a gallic cross & one, all stars & moons
This is the poem I started writing yesterday till all the might have beens that never weremuscled its way out into the world mid-draft. I’ve gone back to it today & finished it off.
in firing range
despite insane frustration with inept governments : & debilitating rage at arrogant greedybloodhungry multinational corps’ ruthless relentless unabashed pillaging of the planet : part of me knows — i can’t really complain : for since that so long past : never forgotten : sunday : i too have failed to meet targets
failed to reduce emissions (though reducing consumption would be more benefit) : failed in every known dataset that supposedly counts : for something : in life : marriage : career : kids : success : legacy : wealth accumulation : financial security : et cetera : & : ad nauseum
for the longest time : failed to even notice i’d been trapped in a tomb : since the first of those soulharrowing three days : over three decades ago : the stone rolled back on me : unaware : unable to escape my darkness
the difference i suppose is my failure : has destroyed predominantly me : (with deepest apologies to a handful of beautiful people who were caught in the crosshairs of my grief) : whereas it is currently the world : being crucified now : & into the firing range : of the future
NB I'm really hating the new WordPress. It's repeatedly refusing to let me upload photos saying I'm not connected to the internet (even though I am & capable of opening other pages, watching youtube videos, etc. It's highly frustrating & causing the delays in posting.