Day 24 – Inspired by Last Week Tonight

Today entry is a bit of a laugh.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver has twice made fun of New York News Channel, WCBS 2 & their somewhat, um, quirky, is perhaps the nicest way to put, teasers; the first was in November last year & again this week (I just saw it today).

They’re almost too weird to believe (though I have linked them, so you can watch for yourself). So this is a Title Poem Game based on these headlines.

WCBS2 News @ 11

if, in the last hour of the day, you find yourself wanting
answers to questions your regular news cannot provide.
never fear — the team at WCBS2 have got your back
we are not your typical news service

we go — inside a dog’s mind
& rate afterlife tourist traps — ghost rest stops

we’ll help you
— shock yourself happy
— freeze yourself fabulous
— shaming your name

& reveal the heartbreaking
— secret lives of suburban wives
(& how to cope when the supermarket’s
run out of on-special peanut butter)

mirrored pain — we finally address that fear of your reflection
the vampire facial — obviously last night’s program is not an issue for you

cover all the big health trends
— younger hands
— younger eyes
— women: shaving face
— scalp botox
— the man flu: the truth (hey it really is worse for men)
— viagra for kids

get our heads around all that fandangled
new, teckermonology
— the digital breakup
— digital amnesia
— digital anxiety
— digital dentistry
— text walking
— barcode bandits
— the atm panic button

now, we don’t want to scare you
but have you considered
— dog danger (if you got in their mind with us
a few weeks ago, you should be okay)

— keyless danger
— danger underground
— virtual kidnapping
— high heel self defence
— dry drowning
— water overdose

wanna know what’s inside something
we got it (un)covered
— what’s in the water
— what’s in your wine
— what’s in the box
(no, we’re not running out of ideas:
the contents of boxes are big news)

we’ll incite a bit of pogonophobia
(which ironically has nothing to do with bouncy sticks
are beards bad?

but sometimes are just
lazy — sick of food
poignant — summer sadness
alliterative — spiked spices


What In God’s Name Are They Covering On WCBS News At 11?

What In God’s Name Is Still Happening On WCBS2 News At 11