Day 08 – why read + empathy

Today’s poem is an attempt at answering a question I get asked often (or variations thereof) — why do you read so much?  It’s a tough one because it seems pretty self-evident to me … but over the years I’ve jotted down various reasons & this poem attempts to pull them together into a cohesive form. It’s possibly still too long & requires an edit. I’ll see how it looks/feels in a couple of weeks’ time.

The Factoid concerns the correlation between empathy & reading fiction …

*****

why READ : an inexhaustive list

why do I breath : I mean : seriously 

cos I can’t not : compulsion

it’s : escape & refuge : adventureland & safe space : idyllic pasts & dystopian futures : a chance to ignore the dumpster fire that the world constantly seems like it wants to become : just for a few hours 

to get lost : lose time : time travel : to walk a mile : or warp the space time continuum : cause the real world to cease to exist : lose myself : in the wash & flow : of well told tale 

to let this : always overworked brain : go off leash
to glean answers for questions : I didn’t even know : I needed to ask
to explore the beauty : & darkness of humanity : to share a sacred indulgence
to understand myself : others : the world : to heal the wounds : to fill the lonely void of the universe’s vastness with a brief flicker of light

to experience : sustenance : catharsis : terror : joy : sadness : triumphs : heartbreaks : tears & sorrows

to share minds with : philosophers two thousand years dead : Caesars : physicists capable of explaining the universe : poets who explain the human heart : saints & sinners : & tanner’s sons from small market towns who change the world

because I can’t live every life I want to
because I can live lives I wouldn’t want to actually experience but enjoy experiencing 
because it’s fun being thrown into other universes : other time periods : other countries : other cities : other world views : other consciousnesses : other POVs : hell it’s even fun just to be thrown across the street : things look rather different from behind their curtains than mine

relax : after long tiring days
rejuvenate : on days when I have to do : nothing 

I love words
I love stories

I like who I am when I read
I like looking through mirrors & into windows 

I’m a loner who enjoys  solitude  silence  stillness : dreaming while awake

because the alternative : isn’t an option

*****

Day 08 Factoid – Reading fiction increases empathy

walking a mile in someone’s book

countless studies have shown:

folks who read fiction often
     have greater social cognition (work out what people think & feel)
     are better at measuring interpersonal sensitivity
     are more likely to help 
     can identify, understand, & share in someone else’s feelings
     behave more altruistically
     result in better doctors

so, to repeat 
     reading fiction is empathy-building
     so stop farking about here 
     go read a goddamn novel 
     & become a better person
     you numpty
                             (or words to that effect)

Day 12 – the hell of easter sundays

12 ole-magnus-schei-sunnevag-untitled-76

30 years ago today, Easter Sunday 1990 (April 15 of that year), my fiancé/soulmate & I experienced the first of three miscarriages of our three and half year relationship. We were kids, both 19. 

Back then there was no internet, we didn’t know where to go get support, no easy way of knowing that we were not unique in this. But it happened twice more during the next two & half years. Each time got harder, harder to come back from. Eventually our relationship ended, in no small part due to the stresses & sadnesses of those three losses; although there were other circumstances complicating things too. 

I have never fully recovered from the loss; almost daily wonder what different paths my life would have taken had I become a father way back then. It damaged me in ways I didn’t understand for decades. It took almost 25 years to “process” the grief (even though I still feel it) but eventually my alter-ego wrote & staged a 1-woman play which got much of the pain out of me … & enabled me to find a fragile kind of peace. Naturally, I’ve written countless poems about it. & every Na/GloWriPoMo the poem on April 15 or Easter Sunday is bound to explore it in some way. That’s another little gift: the fact that it has two “anniversaries” which have only aligned once in the last 30 years.

Also helping is the fact that a once young person I taught drama to writes about her miscarriages so honestly, lovingly, & beautifully on facebook (that often trite medium). I believe her words are profoundly positive & healing for me, herself, her partner, friends & family, & no doubt many others. I also love how someone I once taught is now teaching me. Thanks, Alice, for giving me the courage to write this post so openly & reinforcing the serenity to know it’s okay on those days when coping doesn’t seem possible. 

*****

pandemic for one

this disease : infects & reinfects my mind : repeatedly : over decades : every easter : of course : but christmases too : birthdays : facebook posts : of friends celebrating : first days of school : & 21sts : & weddings : & births of grandkids : & just about anything fucking else : can set it off : a time bomb explosion : of regret : anger : what ifs : why mes : & i wonders :

there is no herd immunity : i am the herd : reinfection is frequent : sometimes more virulent : than ever before : the curve has not flattened : the only cure : a wormhole

Day 13 – sport (& fashion)

13 jerk.jpg

For about a decade of my life, Saturdays in Autumn & Winter meant sport: football & netball. For the first time in forever, that’s how I spent my Saturday.

*****

Autumn day

it’s as if I’ve just finished playing u/17s
& we’ve come down to watch our girlfriends
(or more likely) those we wish were —
except the ones i played with are fat & bald
& the girls i once fancied, grey & chubby

everything else — the tinkle of coins
as goals rustle metal nets; the wild calls
of support; the choc of ball on court;
insistent whistle chirps; the scent
of homemade soup; kids queuing
for lollies too excited to choose;
others sausagerolling down the mound;
stars of yesterday cunningly disguised
as grandmothers; repeated complaints
about the too cold wind — the same

the minor differences — infinitely
more stylish uniforms; better hair
cuts (only one mullet); & everywhere
smartphones plastered to every palm

sadly there’s still that one jerk
father cheering too hard; screaming
pressure pressure; always over
aggressively; threatening to blow
his gasket; as if a gold medal
is on the line

 


 

BONUS POEM: April 13, 2018

A slightly lighter toned pome, just for some variety.

*****

lemmingwear

The North Face
clearly seems
to be the current
accoatrement
of choice
for the fashion
conscious
rambler

— or it would still be
if not for the fact
my mother
recently bought
one each
for her & dad
sending stock
prices tumbling

as if from a cliff

13b North Face.JPG

Day 04 – time travel (& road rules)

Orange Dwarf

Several poems started, then a last minute contender rushed in demanding to be completed with 37 minutes till midnight to go. Such is the joy of NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo. 

Further complications were added when my wireless keyboard batteries went flat & I had to see if any of my dozen or so randomly distributed rechargeable batteries had enough charge to fire this badboy back up. 49 combinations later, little green light was go.

*****

the speed of light

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
for the foreseeable future my favourite
star is going to be 12 Ophiuchi
a main-sequence orange-red dwarf
BY Draconis-type variable star
in the east central corner
of Ophiuchus the Serpent Bearer

at around 83 percent of Sol’s mass
85 to 100 percent of its diameter
& being similarly as enriched
in elements heavier than hydrogen
as our sun it is a semi-sort kind of a twin
i guess, i don’t really know much
about the astrophysiwhatsit specs
the reason i’m interested in
this faint little blip of light
in a relatively unknown
constellation is simple

it is 31.89 light-years away

which means the light my eye
is trampolining onto the back
of my retina & zipping off up
the optic nerve to my visual cortex
left the star 31.89 years ago
which according to my (admittedly
roughly hewn calculations)

… is about 3 days before we first met

 


 

BONUS POEM: April 4, 2018

*****

Crash Course
(A Poetic Interpretation of the 12 Rules of Driving on Italian Roads)

1.
i’m just kidding of course
there’s no such list

 

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Day 29 – Flowers of Sun

Watched the 2010 episode of Doctor Who “Vincent and the Doctor”. A strange episode, with a monster that doesn’t really work — but such a lovely character piece that you overlook that (or I did anyway).

It ends with a sentimental, though for me, still deeply moving scene, where a lonely misunderstood Van Gogh (who sold only one painting in his life) is whizzed through time by Amy & the Doctor to the Musée d’Orsay in Paris, to see an exhibition of his work & hear a beautiful (if slightly mawkish, so what!) speech by Art Historian disguised as Bill Nighy on his place in the history of art.

sensing sadness

who would not : given the chance : like to be whisked : jimmy stewart : wonderful life style : into your future : to see that : your love of strong sunlight : your thick brush strokes : your colour : your colour : your colour : your ability to transform : torment : your understanding : of ecstasy : the swirling double life : of your stars : your need to create : something greater : than yourself : was a masterpiece : despite : your doubts : despite you : not knowing : the sadness : actually : won’t last : forever

sunflowersCROP

Day 2 – from the TO READ PILE (fiction room, leftover titles from yesterday)

This poem is a Title Poem taken from titles unused from yesterday.

Arrrggghhhh!  Just seeing the titles, makes me wanna read about a dozen of these books right now!

 

beautiful chaos

take the underground road
the narrow road to the deep north
to the magic mountain
where the pagan lord

gives instructions for breathing
demonstrates magic tricks
& time machines
are repaired while-U-wait