Day 11 – Sleep, ha! WTH is that? I live from nana nap to nana nap…

A friend showed me a draft of her poem entitled ‘insomnia’. So the word was in my head. Mine is a very different beast (as indeed no doubt are the things which keep us from our slumber). I didn’t intend writing it, but when the images of the ‘same sweet ghosts’ arrived & hung around, as it were, my path was trod.

*****

insomnia

well past the witching hour —
cold air — crackles the dogsnores
— magnifies the pastacrunching
mouse in a kitchen cupboard —
(who last night i tried to catch
obviously without success) —
chills the toes on my right foot
— it’s always colder than the left
even under the doona — no idea why
— must resist sleep at all costs —
& all the while — the same
sweet ghosts that usually haunt
these long alonely hours of
pretending i don’t wish to dream
float above our heads — trying
to interest me in a game of
— remember this ? —

*****

Insomnia_by_diva4life

Day 6 – back to the list

Now that Easter is out of the way, I can return to the worklist. While having an outlet for exploring one’s grief is healing; it is very liberating to have other topics to dive into.

*****

what’ve you been doing with yourself…

…  i find i’m often being asked
how to answer without offending
i read  i write  i think  i live
walk the dog  avoid paying bills
eat bad food  drink better wine
daydream  am as happy as i can be
if i was smarter & could think deeper
thoughts  i might be a philosopher
(despite being equally poorly paid)

lose myself thinking about simple things

the stars  light  time  bees  mist
rain  loss  loneliness  the nature
of goodness  paths taken & not
being buzzed  storms  souls  if angels
exist  & if they do  what they do
& why  whether justice can ever
come if everything just is  the passing
of the small  utopias  dystopias  ways
of killing the rich … to feed the poor

*****

 dreamer

NB without wishing to sound too much like a first world whinger, I look forward to getting back to the city with fast non-satellite broadband & a non-old computer that doesn’t freeze &/or crash 4 times in the last 45 minutes.

Day 5 – 25 Easter Sundays ago today …

Last one. Today is D-Day.

*****

the five

we were never a five – not properly – not all
together – not ever – yet in my head – we always
were – still are – forever will be – nothing can change
that – even though everything has changed — every thing
except the great                                                                                empty

.

*****

silent_hill_by_kr_2y_51_3k-d55td6p

April 17 – Day Seventeen: dreams of you

Well yesterday’s experiment didn’t quite get the response I was hoping for.  Hahaha, oh well.  (There’s still time to go back & play if you want to.  Read Day 16 & comment at the end for a chance to win a special prize – it has to be on my blog, fb & twitter comments don’t count.)

Maybe that’s why writing today was tough. I was a bit down. Tried a few things. Messaged a friend in the states just as he’d woken from a bad dream (it was 3am in Maryland).  We talk a bit about bad dreams. I never have them (though I have woken myself up from laughing in my dreams & in my body at the same – glorious sensation – although I think it’s how the dali lama must feel). Tried to write about that, meh! Tried to write about my friend’s scary dream of being left alone, meh.

Then this came out. Of nowhere. Not sure I understand it. Pretty sure I like it.

Shades

Half-woken scraps of you swirl round
the half sunrisen gloom of my room
through tannin-thick wetpaper-thin skull

Like souls of men recently killed
on a battlefield, afraid to leave

We have not spoken in two weeks
keep eyes closed as long as I can
these torments all I have of you

A herd of cats claw my legs
tripping me, demanding to be fed

For while I only half-remember
the dreams, I’m reluctant
to relinquish what little I have

So I leave the black shroud cloth
covering my eyes & drift

It is a prism refracting weak light
each intersection of weft & weave
it’s own rainbow link to another world

Opaque, shiny as an insect’s eye
Then. I. Don’t. Care.

*****

 hidden_eyes_beauty_2_by_bayhor-d5k5p14 copy