Read the latest Rupi Kaur today & I gotta confess. I just don’t get her Instapoesy thang. So much is just banal platitudes that have been done better dozens of times before (some of her longer poems about the migrant experience are actually kinda of interesting) — but the Temu-grade aphorisms do nothing for me. Anyhoo this is a pseudohomage to her by tweaking/reworking some of my fave reading memes.

The Poetic Factoid comes out of learning about Pearls of Wisdom.

*****

reading pl(attitudes)

1.
SIX MOTIVATIONALS
i.
You can’t read in bed all day …

… unless you start 
nice & early in the morning.

~

ii.
One does not simply 
walk into a bookstore …

… without an authorised list
detailing which specific book(s) 
you are going to purchase.

Bwahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha huh 

~

iii.
Autumn is here. Winter coming …

… time to make like a scout & prepare
by ensuring you have between 33-42 
new books in your TBR stacks.

If you do not: to the bookshop — now!

~

iv.
Bookworms are cute
bookwyrms are better.

Our hoards of treasure
are ever so much bigger.

~

v.
If anyone needs me …

… I’ll be reading

WARNING: don’t need me.

~

vi.
I love books, my doggo
reading, & maybe 3 people.

You are not one of them.
Go.

~~~

2.
FOUR DEVOTIONALS
i.
My partner issued an ultimatum: 
Look. It’s books or me. Hmmm.
Was reading a Fielding novel last week
& I remembered her name. Aemelia.
Anna?  Anastasia perhaps?
Something ending with A anyway.
Or starting with it …

~

ii.
Tip to spice up your love life.
Get yourself pleasantly tipsy
Go to your fave online bookstore.
Spend up big. Sit back & wait
& see what the universe delivers you.

~

iii.
My ideal partner when I say
Turn me on:

Walks over
Whispers in my ear
Wanna go to the bookstore?

Instant goosebumps.

~

iv.
My ideal partner when I say
Talk dirty to me:

It’s cold out
It’s almost dark
I’ve done all the chores
There’s leftovers in the fridge
I lit the fireplace in the library an hour ago
The room is oh-so-toasty warm
I’m making us hot chocolates
It’s the weekend tomorrow 
I think that was thunder
It’s starting to rain

& while I was out earlier
I bought you the latest book in the series you love

~

*****

Day 13 Factoid – the usefulness of Wisdom Pearls

Pearl of Wisdom

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding,  
for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.
                                                                                                   Proverbs 3:13

TIL I learnt that Pearls of Wisdom 
have morphed from genuine spiritual insight 
to more rustic ironic home truths 

& I got to thinking wouldn’t it be 
wonderful if there was an actual mystic
Aunty Pearl who travelled the world

Dispensing advice to everyone annually
that you had to act on regardless of whether
you agreed with it (especially if you didn’t)

That combover doesn’t work 
— get a buzz cut, dye what’s left blonde
& go bald with chutzpah!

He’s never gonna leave his wife
Kick him to the curb sweetie
— find someone worthy of you!

You hate accountancy. Quit your job.
Play your guitar. You’ll never make much money
— but you’ll be happy till you die!

Anyone harbouring doubts over her advice
could come together on the seventh day of every month
surrounded by supporters to help them break out of their shells